I'll be missing you

Recently, Chicagoans have had to mourn the loss of several historic treasures, including Marshall Fields, the Berghoff, and the smell of chocolate in the air.

Vienna must now deal with an even greater shock: the loss of the Opera Toilet - a bathroom in the Karlsplatz U-Bahn station that allowed you to pee into toilets shaped like women's lips while opera music played overhead.



Apparently, some stupid feminists spoiled all the fun, as per usual. Supposedly, urinating into women's mouths is "sexist." Whatever.

For the last few weeks, they've been counting down the number of days left to use the toilet. I finally went in today, as the "1 Tag" sign had been put up. I paid the 60 cents entrance fee and found...

...a cleaning woman inside, pointing me toward a stall. Some old cleaning man was also standing blocking the way to where the lips were supposed to be...but they were already gone! I must have been just an hour too late.

I was so upset. In fact, you might say...

...I was pissed.

---

Die Wiener Kompilation

• Ween - Mutilated Lips
  from The Mollusk (1997)
• Johnny Cash - Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart
  from At Folsom Prison (1968)