Budapest - Part 3
The third day in Budapest was possibly the most ridiculous.
First stop - the Szechenyi Bath, where I hung out with a hundred old Hungarian ladies in the warm spa water. A bunch of old men in Speedos, meanwhile, played chess in the water. There were three main outdoor pools - a warm thermal bath, a regular pool for swimming laps, and a jacuzzi. You're only supposed to be in the thermal bath for 20 minutes or else it's bad for you, so I kept on going back and forth between there and the jacuzzi (you had to wear a silly looking bathingcap to go into the regular pool). The jacuzzi was hilarious. In the center there was a circular wall with jets shooting out. A bunch of old ladies and I would go into the circle, and the jets combined with the momentum of everybody going around, made a super fast current that you'd instantly be sucked up in. I bruised myself a bit being thrust against the walls.
I was a little nervous about going beforehand, but I must say, it was an incredibly relaxing experience, standing neck-deep in warm water, listening to a fat old half-naked man singing "Only You" in a terrible accent.
After I dried myself off, I went to the nearby Budapest Zoo. I have no idea why, but the place was teeming, and I mean teeming with retarded peopleso it was like two zoos for the price of one. It took me a real long time to find any animals. I also got lost in some kind of hedge maze somehow for a while.
Elephant House at the Zoo
After a brief lunch at the mall (I don't remember now why I ate at the mall, but it was probably for a good reason), I took a tram over to Margitsziget, a really nice little island in the middle of the Danube between Buda and Pest. I sat and read in front of a magical fountain that played music. Oh, and everywhere around me were more young Hungarian couples making out.
Wondrous fountain on Margitsziget
Back at the hostel, i ran into my Canadian friend Luke for the fourth time that day. He only had about an hour before he had to leave to catch a flight, so I went with him to get a quick bowl of soup at this out of control restaurant down the street called Sir Lancelot's. It's kind of like Medievel Times only with more firebreathers. At night, a guy stands outside wearing a suit of armor. It takes a while to realize that he's actually alive, but believe, after a few jabs to the belly he'll prove it to you.
Sir Lancelot
After Luke departed, I headed off to see a screening of the Coen Brothers' Blood Simple that I had read about in the newspaper. When I got to the "theatre", however, I got really confused. It was really just kind of a big bar with a screen. I couldn't figure out where you were supposed to buy tickets anyway, so I just gave up and went back.
I really was in the mood to see a movie that night (and they're much cheaper in Hungary) so I just headed to the cineplex in the mall to see what was playing. My options: The Lake House (filmed in Chicagoland, but still too much Sandra & Keanu), Tristan + Isolde (reminded me too much of a certain "Tristyn" Watson), Volver (the new Almodovar movie that I really do want to see...but it was in Spanish with Hungarian subtitles). I decided to wait until 9:45 to see United 93 as a sort of belated September 11th event.
I never thought that I'd ever actually see it, and I was very surprised by how much I liked it. I thought it was going to be some sort of over-the-top patriotic thriller, with the heroic Todd Beamer screaming, "Let's roll!!!!!" as the rousing John Williams score swells and the infidel Mohammedans are stopped. Actually, it turned out to be done in a pretty convincing pseudo-documentary style, directed by a British filmmaker. There were no ridiculous subplots invented, they didn't make up the backstories of any of the passengers. Even the "let's roll" line was just sort of mentioned with no fanfare in a whisper. As to whether there was any real purpose to making the movie, however, I don't know about.
United 93 sheet music
I was one of the last people still in the mall when I left. The movie had thoroughly depressed me, and it had begun to rain. I walked back to the hostel sad and lonely. But when I got inside...it was pandemonium!
Four people were sitting in the kitchen watching television. A secret tape had been released earlier that day where the Hungarian prime minister had admitted to lying to the country about the economy. As a result, just a few blocks from the hostel, people were rioting at the headquarters of the Hungarian state television. We all were watching the riots live on the TV.
Budapest was a lot of fun.
In fact, it was a riot!
Now, it's time to introduce the cast of characters.
When they ran out of beer...they wanted more. Jude was scared to go out during the riot alone, so she wanted the Hungarian hostel girl to go with her. She, like me, forgot her name, so she just decided to call her Beyoncé.
AMY. While we were gone, we decided we're going to call you Beyoncé, cause we can't pronounce your name.
"BEYONCÉ". (offended) But I am not black.
JUDE. But Beyoncé is beautiful! I'd kill to be called that.
"BEYONCÉ". But she cannot sing.
AMY. No, no, Beyoncé is actually really talented. That girl has pipes.
They did go out to buy more beer. Then they returned.
JUDE. Share with me, share with me, share with me.
ME. Nah, I'm okay for now.
JUDE. No, come on, share with me. I take a sip, you take a sip.
ME. All right, fine.
(I take a sip.)
JUDE. No, no, I took two sips. You have to take two sips.
AMY. Let me ask, how tall are you?
CHRIS. I'm 6'4".
JUDE. And I'm 4'11".
AMY. I dated a guy who was 6'4" once. He was a high-jumper, so he had really long legs. His hips were at my boobs. But when we were horizontal, it all worked out.
Chris and Jude wanted to smoke, so the three of us went out into the courtyard. We could hear lots of sirens going by as the riots continued. There was a huge pile of bricks and concrete and stuff in the middle of the courtyard.
JUDE. I'm going to start a business selling concrete to rioters. We have to bring capitalism back to Hungary!
CHRIS. If you ever have an idea for a business, go to England. Seriously. They'll pay you to start a business.
ME. Sure, I'll start brainstorming.
JUDE But I'll flog you if you're selling concrete.
JUDE. Share this fag with me, share this fag with me, share this fag with me.
ME. No, that's okay, I'm all right.
JUDE. No, come on, come on, come on. You take a trag, I take a drag. Back and forth.
ME. I really don't smoke at all.
CHRIS. Oh, you're such an American.
CHRIS. So what do you in Chicago?
ME. You mean, to have fun?
CHRIS. Yeah.
ME. Oh, I don't know. I guess I go to a lot of shows.
CHRIS. Shows? You mean like...
(He bends over 90 degrees to make the lifting-up-the-back-of-your-skirt gesture while making a "whoop!" sound)
ME. No, no, I mean like... rock concerts.
CHRIS. In England, you have to say "gigs." If you say "shows," that's what they'll think you're talking about. What else do you do?
ME. Well, Chicago has this really big improvisational comedy scene -
CHRIS Oh, is that where you got your glasses? See, we can be funny too.
JUDE. "Evan." That's not a very typical American name.
CHRIS. But if you went to Wales...
ME. Yeah - my brother's name is Griffith.
CHRIS. (screaming) YOU'RE FROM WALES! YOU'RE FROM WALES!
(A Hungarian lady comes out from an upstairs apartment)
HUNGARIAN LADY. (mumbles something in Hungarian)
JUDE. (suddenly with a scared look on her face) What'd she say?
HUNGARIAN LADY. Shut up, please.
CHRIS. You know, if you shoot crack into your cock...
JUDE. Chris, shut up.
CHRIS. That's what everybody does in England.
JUDE. Don't listen to a word he says.
CHRIS. If you have a single vein left in your cock, you're not a true Briton.
First stop - the Szechenyi Bath, where I hung out with a hundred old Hungarian ladies in the warm spa water. A bunch of old men in Speedos, meanwhile, played chess in the water. There were three main outdoor pools - a warm thermal bath, a regular pool for swimming laps, and a jacuzzi. You're only supposed to be in the thermal bath for 20 minutes or else it's bad for you, so I kept on going back and forth between there and the jacuzzi (you had to wear a silly looking bathingcap to go into the regular pool). The jacuzzi was hilarious. In the center there was a circular wall with jets shooting out. A bunch of old ladies and I would go into the circle, and the jets combined with the momentum of everybody going around, made a super fast current that you'd instantly be sucked up in. I bruised myself a bit being thrust against the walls.
I was a little nervous about going beforehand, but I must say, it was an incredibly relaxing experience, standing neck-deep in warm water, listening to a fat old half-naked man singing "Only You" in a terrible accent.
 |  |
After I dried myself off, I went to the nearby Budapest Zoo. I have no idea why, but the place was teeming, and I mean teeming with retarded people
Elephant House at the Zoo
After a brief lunch at the mall (I don't remember now why I ate at the mall, but it was probably for a good reason), I took a tram over to Margitsziget, a really nice little island in the middle of the Danube between Buda and Pest. I sat and read in front of a magical fountain that played music. Oh, and everywhere around me were more young Hungarian couples making out.
Wondrous fountain on Margitsziget
Back at the hostel, i ran into my Canadian friend Luke for the fourth time that day. He only had about an hour before he had to leave to catch a flight, so I went with him to get a quick bowl of soup at this out of control restaurant down the street called Sir Lancelot's. It's kind of like Medievel Times only with more firebreathers. At night, a guy stands outside wearing a suit of armor. It takes a while to realize that he's actually alive, but believe, after a few jabs to the belly he'll prove it to you.
Sir Lancelot
After Luke departed, I headed off to see a screening of the Coen Brothers' Blood Simple that I had read about in the newspaper. When I got to the "theatre", however, I got really confused. It was really just kind of a big bar with a screen. I couldn't figure out where you were supposed to buy tickets anyway, so I just gave up and went back.
I really was in the mood to see a movie that night (and they're much cheaper in Hungary) so I just headed to the cineplex in the mall to see what was playing. My options: The Lake House (filmed in Chicagoland, but still too much Sandra & Keanu), Tristan + Isolde (reminded me too much of a certain "Tristyn" Watson), Volver (the new Almodovar movie that I really do want to see...but it was in Spanish with Hungarian subtitles). I decided to wait until 9:45 to see United 93 as a sort of belated September 11th event.
I never thought that I'd ever actually see it, and I was very surprised by how much I liked it. I thought it was going to be some sort of over-the-top patriotic thriller, with the heroic Todd Beamer screaming, "Let's roll!!!!!" as the rousing John Williams score swells and the infidel Mohammedans are stopped. Actually, it turned out to be done in a pretty convincing pseudo-documentary style, directed by a British filmmaker. There were no ridiculous subplots invented, they didn't make up the backstories of any of the passengers. Even the "let's roll" line was just sort of mentioned with no fanfare in a whisper. As to whether there was any real purpose to making the movie, however, I don't know about.
United 93 sheet music
I was one of the last people still in the mall when I left. The movie had thoroughly depressed me, and it had begun to rain. I walked back to the hostel sad and lonely. But when I got inside...it was pandemonium!
Four people were sitting in the kitchen watching television. A secret tape had been released earlier that day where the Hungarian prime minister had admitted to lying to the country about the economy. As a result, just a few blocks from the hostel, people were rioting at the headquarters of the Hungarian state television. We all were watching the riots live on the TV.
Budapest was a lot of fun.
In fact, it was a riot!
Now, it's time to introduce the cast of characters.
- Amy - a stereotypical middle-aged Manhattanite. Physical therapist at NYU and yoga instructor. Frizzy hair, glasses, and some weird necklaces.
- Jude - a short young British woman from Nottingham. Straight black hair, 60s-style black dress with white polka dots.
- Chris - average looking British dude. Jude's bf.
- Hungarian girl - employee at the hostel. I forget her name.
When they ran out of beer...they wanted more. Jude was scared to go out during the riot alone, so she wanted the Hungarian hostel girl to go with her. She, like me, forgot her name, so she just decided to call her Beyoncé.
AMY. While we were gone, we decided we're going to call you Beyoncé, cause we can't pronounce your name.
"BEYONCÉ". (offended) But I am not black.
JUDE. But Beyoncé is beautiful! I'd kill to be called that.
"BEYONCÉ". But she cannot sing.
AMY. No, no, Beyoncé is actually really talented. That girl has pipes.
They did go out to buy more beer. Then they returned.
JUDE. Share with me, share with me, share with me.
ME. Nah, I'm okay for now.
JUDE. No, come on, share with me. I take a sip, you take a sip.
ME. All right, fine.
(I take a sip.)
JUDE. No, no, I took two sips. You have to take two sips.
AMY. Let me ask, how tall are you?
CHRIS. I'm 6'4".
JUDE. And I'm 4'11".
AMY. I dated a guy who was 6'4" once. He was a high-jumper, so he had really long legs. His hips were at my boobs. But when we were horizontal, it all worked out.
Chris and Jude wanted to smoke, so the three of us went out into the courtyard. We could hear lots of sirens going by as the riots continued. There was a huge pile of bricks and concrete and stuff in the middle of the courtyard.
JUDE. I'm going to start a business selling concrete to rioters. We have to bring capitalism back to Hungary!
CHRIS. If you ever have an idea for a business, go to England. Seriously. They'll pay you to start a business.
ME. Sure, I'll start brainstorming.
JUDE But I'll flog you if you're selling concrete.
JUDE. Share this fag with me, share this fag with me, share this fag with me.
ME. No, that's okay, I'm all right.
JUDE. No, come on, come on, come on. You take a trag, I take a drag. Back and forth.
ME. I really don't smoke at all.
CHRIS. Oh, you're such an American.
CHRIS. So what do you in Chicago?
ME. You mean, to have fun?
CHRIS. Yeah.
ME. Oh, I don't know. I guess I go to a lot of shows.
CHRIS. Shows? You mean like...
(He bends over 90 degrees to make the lifting-up-the-back-of-your-skirt gesture while making a "whoop!" sound)
ME. No, no, I mean like... rock concerts.
CHRIS. In England, you have to say "gigs." If you say "shows," that's what they'll think you're talking about. What else do you do?
ME. Well, Chicago has this really big improvisational comedy scene -
CHRIS Oh, is that where you got your glasses? See, we can be funny too.
JUDE. "Evan." That's not a very typical American name.
CHRIS. But if you went to Wales...
ME. Yeah - my brother's name is Griffith.
CHRIS. (screaming) YOU'RE FROM WALES! YOU'RE FROM WALES!
(A Hungarian lady comes out from an upstairs apartment)
HUNGARIAN LADY. (mumbles something in Hungarian)
JUDE. (suddenly with a scared look on her face) What'd she say?
HUNGARIAN LADY. Shut up, please.
CHRIS. You know, if you shoot crack into your cock...
JUDE. Chris, shut up.
CHRIS. That's what everybody does in England.
JUDE. Don't listen to a word he says.
CHRIS. If you have a single vein left in your cock, you're not a true Briton.
Die Wiener Kompilation
- Harry Nilsson - Bath
from Aerial Ballet (1968) - Iron & Wine - Love Vigilantes (New Order cover)
from the iTunes Live Session EP (2006) - Linda Scott - Blue Star
from Starlight Starbright (1961)
posted by Evan C. at 3:57 PM
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